I'm trying to save myself, you see. On some level spiritually, emotionally, psychologically...but make no mistake....also very literally trying to save myself from the clutches of the bittersweet blackness that the angel of death brings with her. For I am sick...and dying. Not of one thing but of many...my body slowly but surely succumbing to a life in which I've asked far too much of it.
It has fought valiantly for me. No doubt in the hopes of some fairer Camelot where I take care of this wondrous embodiment of God's creation. This body has been attacked by cancer and survived after the murky mire was removed. And it staves it off as we speak with the cantankerous cells waiting to strike again...biding their time in their precursor stage until they feel they can attack again and come out the victor...my body itself to be their spoils of war.
I've not been successful in pursuing health for my body (or my mind for that matter)...most especially in the last few years where chaos seems to be more commonplace than tranquility. Where I manage by putting myself in a state of suspended animation- numb to what's going on around and within my. I'm going to try to change this.
I'm going to try to shift my focus so I become more of a player on the list of what is valued, worthy, important. I'm going to try to look inward more rather than always outward...because what's inside me is as important. I'm going to try to think in terms of small wins, small successes...but the greater journey is too long, too arduous...and will gladly overtake my fragile adventure if I let it.
I'm going on an adventure...I'm going to set my course and charge ahead and hope to be the better for it.
